Just randomly surfing Newgrounds when a video named the same as my main nickname pops out. Pretty sure it's not about me, but curiosity takes over, I have to watch it.
....And it was quite nice and funny. Good job.

A shameless Cookie Clicker rip-off that has the exact same values for every building/upgrade/achievment, but reskinned into fantasy style. It seems to be a mobile port from some other platform, since it has UI buttons which don't even work (including "watch ads" ones).

Graphics and sound are nice and make very chill and relaxing vibes. It also have some references and humor probably? And you can buy a skin for your char... Okay, I'm bad at describing good things, here comes the usual stuff.

For some reason, instead of having a clickable object anywhere, you have to walk to it very slowly, click a bunch of times and then walk around to collect the coins, because they have a 5 seconds lifetime. Then you have to walk all the way back to build the thing you want. It becomes tedious very fast and kills any idea of active game/autoclicking. So, your only option is to idle for hours (at least the game does update your money on a separate tab).

Knowing the author, I expected his text to be messy as always, and he didn't disappoint. The ranguage is google translated, has lots of typos. Some descriptions are missing, some appear in russian even in other languages and some are cut-off mid-sentence. It isn't hard to guess what the game tries to say though.

Achievments can re-lock themselves if the condition of unlocking becomes false (when you spend money on upgrades, it locks acievments "get X coins". For some reason, closing achievment menu creates a 3-4 second lag (and other menus lag for 1-1.5 seconds).

Anyway, it's an okay game if you want a fantasy-reskinned cookie clicker with only the basic content. Otherwise, just play the original.

Extremely mediocre. Background causes massive eyestrain, and I feel pity for those who actually try to get good at this game (including myself). Sounds are alright (some of them I like, some not so much). As for the gameplay...

Random elements can make or break the flow of the game, and this case seems to handle it very poorly. If the game spawns 5 enemies who shoot extremely fast barrages of huge bullets that cover half of the screen and then a boss who does less than a single mob every third run - this looks like the author didn't even bother to try balancing it at all (or maybe the author is just sadistic, trying to make sure players will bleed their eyes out looking at backgrounds while trying to finish the game). This is also proven by the fact that boss rush feels as easy as waves 1-2. Hyper can help with some impossible patterns, but the bullets it fires are very distracting, and there's no guarantee that the next wave is safe from the same BS. Hyper also makes heavy lags if it generates too many crystals instantly, the similar issue as getting hit - the game slows down and makes it hard to see what's going on, often resulting in you making more stupid mistakes. If the game is all about dodging bullets, please make sure your visuals help your players doing it, and not the other way around. Boss drops aren't clear either - I didn't understand any of the bonuses (except for hearts) until I checked the manual for their definition.

On a good note, the controls are pretty solid. The char does exactly what I make it to do, which is the most critical feature of bullet hell games. The game itself is extremely short, so losing to random BS is not too infuriating, as it takes like 2 minutes to come back (though I spent about 2 hours clearing it, and my eyes really hurt now). The auto-aim also works well here, since you want to kill enemies before they fill the whole screen with bullets. I'd rather dodge the bullets slow and methodically, "touhou-style", rather than just sit out of enemies range with auto-aim, but oh well.

You probably like games by Bennett Foddy, huh?

There are some glaring issues with the game, and no, they're not about the controls (the game is purposely designed to be wonky), but everything that supports (or rather, doesn't support) its core mechanic.

First, the balance: the game tries to trick you into thinking that giving the soldiers requested weapons is the best way to defeat enemies, and that's completely wrong. Even with 0 damage, an armed soldier stops the enemy on its tracks, which in turn gives you more time to arm more soldiers. This means that the best tactic is to craft weapons in advance, so the soldiers will take their weapon right after they ask for it, which defeats the whole point of this mechanic. There is no "try to get the parts you need", only "how many times you'll be able to deal with crappy controls without failure?", and it's pretty disappointing.

Next, the window issue. The mouse controls use RMB to grab, but since all the parts are near the game border, the player has a high enough chance to click off the window, triggering context menu (I've done it a lot). In the best case scenario, the player will click off menu, closing it (and losing some precious time), but he also may accidentally click on the menu, triggering refresh or going to previous page. Not only it's infuriating, but also resets all your progress, forcing you to kill all the bosses again. And for whatever reason the game does not allow you to use LMB for movement and Space for grab at the same time.

The game also crashes on the 4th boss for me. Since I spin my arm like crazy, sending soldiers instantly, they start stacking on each other when the boss gets close to the castle. I checked the console when the game crashed, and it had stacking objects errors. This completely blocks me from clearing the game, which is sad, I would like to see the ending.

Now, for the good parts. I like the pixel aesthetics and most sounds (except 3rd and 4th bosses), the music is a bit repetitive, but still enjoyable. The game is also absolutely hilarious to watch - the blacksmith flailing his hand around while a streamer suffers in frustration is a sight to behold.